why don’t we talk any more?

It was 6 o clock on a Monday morning, and bamm. My stupid stern alarm woke me up. But just before the second hand cut complete its marathon on the 5th lane, the parallel world has invoked a feeling inside. Yes the world of dreams. The place where EGO, the Conscience Mind and the feeling of looking awkward while showing your true self, find itself unworthy of.

And the realization arose “ Why don’t we talk any more?”

Well , a lot of people say that dreams are just illusions our mind creates. Some say it’s a message from the other world, whereas some believe it’s just our subconscious mind having its time of the day. As in the rest , our mind is full of moral right or wrong, social right or wrong,  right or wrong according to our ego, and the best one, why me first?.

What has gone so drastically wrong that without having any big reason to ponder over, things just went the way they did?
And quite frankly when you ask this question (if), the answer is ambiguous.

You to that person: why don’t we talk any more the way we did…?? What happened?
That person : nothing, as in I don’t know.
You: is that the reason (some weird reason out from the book named, Being Paranoid )?
That person: No, I seriously don’t know, I thought some reason( again from the same book )
And there you go.. No reason at all but the relation got torn apart.

But we are wrong here. At least Newton would have got offended by my “no reason” statement.
As he famously stated his 2 law of motion,” the body in motion would remain in motion until being challenged by some outer force, so when a relation was rolling harmoniously, then how come it not only got interrupted but sometimes even take a u-turn??

I think, Yes it’s entirely my opinion, that when the outer force is not as tangible as a big stone , we seem to ignore its effect.

Let me give you an analogy.
Suppose you are cycling happily, paddling all the way with effort and intention, but suddenly you got distracted by something. You stopped paddling in the thought of that distraction, and suddenly our cycle came to rest. You suddenly realized that the cycle isn’t moving any more and what the hell, where did this road came from?

Now ,with a cycle and road we can determine that it has stopped or where and when you went wrong, but in life the case is different.

We never give proper attention to the four most important things. –
The distraction
The lost effort
The curvaceous road
And the invisible force(friction)

The distraction is the thing that triggered a loss in the effort( in the company of a repulsive force(friction) and the evergreen nature of the road of life being made by destiny).
Now the road is going to be curvaceous (life is very creatively drawn) , and the friction (of -ve thoughts, or getting paranoid) always play its role. The distraction is also inevitable, but it’s the loss in effort that was the cause behind the cycle coming to a stop.
When we say I don’t know what happened, here what actually happens.
A thing, might be small or big, causes a distraction, which results in getting paranoid.
Without getting to the depth or confessing we come to a conclusion that yes, this, Some reason, is The Reason.
Then comes the bedlam of people blabbing something and something, which acts as  the friction and there we go,
We stop peddling.
We stop making an effort.
And when our heart intervene, we just say why me?? I haven’t done anything wrong. Let him/her take the first step. I am hurt already.
And the first step is never taken, from either side.

Sometimes the riff is only from one side, but then again any relation cannot go on smoothly when one wheel doesn’t want to go along with pure intention and not just any obligation.
and slowly and slowly , the innocence of a relation fades away…..

Well, I wrote a lot about confessing in a previous post and the importance it holds.
So whenever the question arise “ why don’t we talk any more?” atleast  take a pause and think about it.
And if you think the only thing it requires is some effort, then you are a better person to take that decision for your life.
As life is quite complicated, and if we can get through it with a handful of good and true relations, it would really be Legen—wait for it.— dary.

P.s- Remove what he or she said about him or her, clear the air yourself. otherwise the bedlam would cause you something important.

Marriage

Should I go with the dictionary,
or with what I see around,
or to be an ignorant snob,
instead of being profound.

An auspicious occasion,
or just a corporate deal?
where investments are being made,
with more money and seldom feel.

Less of a choice,
and more of tradition,
more than an occasion,
it has become a status exhibition.

Precarious or lifelong,
horoscope will decide,
compatibility issues,
don’t worry, horoscope will decide,

an intercaste marriage,
ahh dont kill our legacy….(they say)
a LGBT marriage,
do they happen any way…?
but its there preference, (i protest)
isnt its against laws..
this is utter hypocrisy of rights
hahahah,the parampara has no flaws………

aur beta kya kar rahe ho”? ( aapko kya matlab)
{{ what are you doing these days??( why do you care)}}

“ kya ??  tum 23 ki ho gai, aur abhi tak shadi nahi ki??:O”(kyu, govt ne naya rule banaya hai kya)
{{what ?? you are 23 and still unmarried??:O”(why, has the government passed any new rule)}}

“ arey beta, ab to job bhi hai, acha kama bhi rahe ho, kis baat ki der hai??”(  du uh,, of the  right person to come)
{{son, you have a job now, what are you waiting for?}}

“ beta shadi karle, mujhe Pota (grandson) chahie, godh me khilana hai”( ahh what??…..)
{{ marry as i want to play with a grandson}}

And the list goes on and on and on.. stupid questions after equally stupid desire…
“ I need a grand child to play with” lol…….

Marriage… ahh I could speak on this topic , on and on and on… and still after half an hour of discussion, I would think that I have missed out  some valid points.
And to start off, I am not a Misogamist, who is just blabbing about the topic out of an urge or something. Its just the institution of marriage, which has been handled rather mischievously .And the constitution of marriage ,i.e famously acclaimed and practised Parampara, Traditions and Culture, which haven’t seen any amendments since a long time, that makes me talk about the topic a little profoundly.

The latest thing which has a hit at this GREAT institution is the Prospect of Marriage between Homosexuals…
Oh!! I am sorry , I said the “h” word out loud. But how dare they raise such a proposal?? How preposterous of them. How the hell they could think that they could even speak of homosexuality in open air. Don’t they know that the Right to speech and freedom of expression have an asterisk sign over them.
That anything which “the big man” think is an incitement to an offence can be criminalized and would be devoid of the above mentioned rights.
And if they think that marriage is an institution of Love and harmony between two people, a promise to be together in this world full of prejudiced circumstances, then they are wrong. How silly of them.

It has to be between a Girl and a Boy. Simple. it doesn’t matter if they are children when they marry, it doesn’t matter if they aren’t mentally mature ,and it even doesn’t matter if the age difference between  them is over 50 years. It has to be between a Girl and a Boy. No Rocket science in this….
After all its in our Culture. Its our Parampara  that has been in practise since the big bang, they say.

You can’t mess with this “p” word…..
So what if they (H)could remain Happy together ever after.??
The society doesn’t fucking care. Its against the nature, against God’s will, how will you be able to have your own babies, they put such kind of arguments. But is it really true or just a mode of rationalization being done to prove their (society’s) point.

Ahh… , a certain section of People is beseeching for recognition. Not only from the “ the big man”, but also from us ( the very proud to be straight ones) also, but what do we do..?

We mock them…. Use their names like curses…
“ look at him he is so Gay..” or treat them as they have certain kind of disease.

“ Making a choice that is against the norms and which is not harming anyone is not a disease. Finding and accepting who you are is a decision, and taking that decision needs courage”
Would you had that courage, if you had to make that decision???

“NO” believe me ,the place where even a small thought goes under scrutiny of many ,it wouldn’t have been a cake walk decision.
So next time you make fun, just think once, what they already has gone through to make that decision.

Ok, now that’s only one of the situation, which a certain kind of society is facing. What about the Rest…

Well apart from this, the whole system is broadly classified into two—
Arrange marriage
Love marriage
And the debate between the two, is going on for a long time. And it will as both has certain points in their favour.

Hehhe, but it makes me hysterical to think that some parents make their wards swear(meri kasam kha:P), that you wont do love marriage, or you wont meet or befriend guyz (in case of girls)
Or you wont marry an intercaste Girl(in case of Boys).

It makes me sad that marriage is no longer considered as union of two souls, but a milestone, just like class 10th or 12th…. Which is mandatory when you reach a certain age.. Hehe, you can give 10th and 12th at a later stage but once you are in the marriage zone age, it’s very difficult to escape it even if you don’t want to do it.


Arrange marriage

Ahhh… the biggest lottery of life…
Either you win big or you go home.
And the most fascinating thing about this lottery is the investments made to buy its ticket to insure its chances of winning.

A huge dowry, the sentiments of 2 families, and the widely known 4 people( woh 4 log).  Ahh the girl side is under heavier pressure , but who cares . it’s a tradition afterall.(so no issues)

This reason pisses me off, as its one of the main reason for female foeticide. Damn….

Even before the Girl and Boy, could see each other personally, the investments are being negotiated. In short they marry each other on the basis of their requirements.
The girl side needs a well qualified, huge bank balance, nice family and in their budget whereas the boy side needs a  Sunder(fair), Sushil (suave) and Sanskari(full of cultural ethics) girl and yes who could fulfil their fantasies by bringing in a lot of money.
Thereby both the sides need to negotiate.

Girl side: our estimate is 40 lakhs.

Boy side: what?? Our boy is IIM and btech from a reputed college. We are getting offers of 70 lakh to 1 crore.  Its just we have heard about your Good reputation, that we are here.

Girl side: oh please understand. I could manage 50 max…

Boy side: after making certain gestures, ok but the car should be a sedan, and give a Gold ring for each of my relatives (as milni) during the ring ceremony.

And bamm…

DEAL!!
The boy is sold to the father of the bride for 50 lakhs and a sedan.

“ slow clap”

And the girl, ahmmm god knows, how many girls are being pressurized by their parents while they are in their colleges by bombarding photographs of eligible and in range bachelors, and are denied of further studies citing the reason that what the use of studies would be.

And yes then they meet. Under the eyes of all of their relatives, they do.. but I wonder how could you decide about your entire life in just 1 meet.?? And specially when they meet with all the eyes around them , expecting a yes.

But yes, the amazing practice of horoscope matching comes to the rescue. It predicts their future, their compatibility and their life in years to come. A full proof thing..isn’t it??!!
I wonder all the marriages in which cases like domestic violence, compatibility issues, extra marital affairs come into picture, might have missed this important part. Otherwise how come such problems could occur in this full proof plan??

But wait…. The plan is indeed full proof.  As a master key to any problem, which could or would occur in the nearby future is given to the girl at the time of Vidai.

“ beta jesa bhi ho, adjust kar lena”

Adjust , the magical answer which can solve anything.  Yes , you cannot get the perfect match(until you are lucky enough) for you, as might be the concept of Mr or miss perfect is an urban legend, but still tying a knot just on the basis of everything that surrounds a guy or girl other than the guy or girl is bizarre.

It’s a shame that money is regarded as the main pillar in marrying someone and not compatibility or love. I know , I know, money is important, but then if it’s so, then what would be the difference between a business deal and a so called marriage.??

Some time back ,a friend of mine and I was having a discussion over this topic.

Me: is it ok, to have a whole life together with someone, who doesn’t behave like an extension to you but a restriction??

Friend: but the same problem could occur in love marriages too….

Me: yes, I agree, people change over time. And it can happen. But that’s future bro. You can never decide anything if you keep on thinking about the future’s uncertainties. At least in love, you know the person character rather than his/her reputation.

And then I got a classical answer, hearing which I got stunned .

Friend: bro, when you Go with your parents decision,.you can blame them, if it doesn’t work. And as they had forced you into it, they would listen to you and will help you to make it work. But if you go on your own, they behave like you are on your own.

Me: I have no words to compete with that statement.

But like every dark cloud, it also has a silver lining. 
The introvert ones, or the ones who despite trying and searching a lot, and despite having all the good qualities needed in a bride or groom, find it difficult to find a right partner for them. And thereby it works like a boon for them.
Which makes me think that yes arrange marriages can be considered a very good option provided the attitudes get a lil shifted.

Instead of money as the centre focus, give the boy and girl some time to think. As such decisions need time and not just a node by seeing him/her physically.
As after all we aren’t sellable or purchasable commodity.

And secondly, girls are not a burden. It’s this money thing only that scares many parents while a girl is born.  If a tradition is becoming a problem,and is chaining your thoughts then it should get amended. Girls too deserve a chance to pursue their dreams. It shouldn’t be like if their in-laws are kind enough, then only they could.

And yes 22 or 23 or 24, is not an alarming age for a girl to get married, but if you think so then its the level of your thinking and other insecurities. They aren’t a burden but a blessing.

Love marriage

Oh yes baby, the loved ones…
Where the horoscope matching, family meetings, and negotiations all take a second step behind compatibility and love.
But their feasibility totally depends upon the union of your courage and your parent’s thinking.
Either of them has to be beyond the standards, for a love marriage to happen.
And the best thing about it is that at least you know the person very well, with whom you are going to sleep on your first night. ;)(if you haven’t already)

But then the question arises that why in India where the rate of arranged marriages are way over the loved ones, has a lower rate of Divorce rate then foreign countries..??
The thing which the supporters of the arrange marriage would always sing in the ongoing debate.
Hmm, for they have statistics in their favour, but just like in any sport, the statistics not always show the true picture.
and there is a valid reason for it too.

The reason is the foundation of marriage in both the cases.
What was it based upon.??
the love marriages are based upon the promise of love whereas the arrange marriages are based on making it work, through understandings, adjustments and love(in case you find it later).
The future is very unpredictable. There may come a time, when problem arises in a marriage(any of them)
and then the person try to make it right seeking that very basic thing on which his marriage is based.
if its love, they would try to rekindle that love in it…
if its arranged, they would try to seek a way using adjustments and compromises, or love provided they did find it after marriage.

So, there you go, the deal part played a major role in saving the whole project.
Rekindling love is easy if it was love in the first place and not mere a decision in haste, whereas in arranged, you find some sort of rationalization in one form or the other.(unless the problem is very big). After all, it was based on that very foundation.
Rationalization in the form of social respect, the children or a sense of fatalistic attitude, helps in saving the bond from breaking physically. But, at what cost???

can a bond be of any meaning if it has lost its essence.??

Only love can save any relationship from losing its essence, then why not include it in???
I don’t care if your marriage is arranged, but for God’s sake make your foundations right.. Include love in it, and not just mere obligations of Respect.

and if you are on the verge of arrange marriage, try to induce compatibility in. As it would produce its dividends ,in the future.

And for the ones who want to do love and are facing lack of courage, play it safely( make it look like arrange to your parents if possible, i think you get what i meant;))

God didn’t send us down here to be unhappy. And marriage are not just a way to maintain your legacy or carrying your name forward, but a way to find a companion that would love you, even if the whole world refuses to.

Compatibility, understanding and love are way much more important than dowry, same caste and social blah blah blah.

And to our concerned parents who are forcing their children, out of social pressure and their insecurities,
it’s the mental age that matters not the physical age. Give them time.
Marriage should be an occasion of celebration and not a milestone, that should be done out of compulsion.
happily ever after do exist, but only if you are happy with the nature and character of your spouse, not with his/her reputation or out of any social obligation.

Take a stand guyz, as in India, marriage is a one-time affair(for most of us). We are raised in that way. so do it only when you meet the right person… or at least when your heart says so….
As being married to a girl/ boy who would hold your hand compassionately till the very end, is heaven in itself. And I believe that everyone has their soul mate waiting somewhere.
find him/her, as only it would make all the difference.

P.s- everybody deserves a right to live happily ever after, and believe me love is the only way. So no matter who you are, or how you get married to, find love…and make love (not just babies ;))